Life: Presently LOUD

Have you ever experienced life in such fast motion, and after time you just want it louder and louder - in your heart, your ears, your eyes; your photographic memory? Your NOW. That is the building aftermath of the continuous experiences compiled in my mind at present. I haven't written for quite some time and cannot begin to catch myself, or you, my small "audience," up. I am "riding solo" and one might deplore but is powerless to prevent the inevitable: I am in love with this adventure. I find myself fighting it and half of me wants to settle down, in the traditional sense, and leave this journey behind. Perhaps my "worlds" will meet at some point as the adventurous, open, and forever hard to hold, side of me, continues to search for that life which tames me. Until then, I travel and search this "one life".

Post - vacation to Vancouver, British Columbia, my beloved home, I am not slowing down, quite surprisingly. The nostalgic, full of familiarity, time spent with loving family and friends, sharing unforgettable moments and reminiscing whilst creating new memories. I was surrounded by people I love so dearly and was reconnected with old friends too. It meant the world to me. I know what true love is and am the luckiest girl in the world. The holiday season has renewed energy within and the reunions are poignant and embedded. How can I live a world away from my "roots"? As torn as I may be, upon relection, I know there is such support. My love is reciprocated and it is vivid.

I continue, "keeping up and keeping on". I am meeting like- minded people and expanding my learning and am wide eyed! Perhaps pushing the limits a bit, but becoming accustomed to continuous newness and excitement.

Since my last writing, I returned from Seoul, Korea and my amazing vacation to my hometown. How beautifully eventful life has been since. I am not sure where to begin! I have operated several "repeat" flights and some new; Johannesburg, South Africa and Munich, Germany, for example. All have been spectacular, memorable and continuously inspiring.

To keep some sort of focused timeline and to have a beginning stepping stone to current date, as time astonishingly brings me to the month of February, allow me to begin with New Years' Eve!

I touched down, returning to Dubai, from "Hanging out in Hong Kong;" a bonding - with -crew, two-day layover that consisted of firstly, letting off steam with four pilots from Air Berlin and some crazy Australian gals, a Czech gal and a Spanish friend, and the night eventually wound me down to wake up to an extremely funfilled day at the Hong Kong Disneyland! An adventure with a cool girl from Egypt. Quite the kalaidescope of company and sights.

Back in Dubai; New Years Eve - I forced myself to gather some energy, put on a party dress and complete the outfit with dreaded heels. I was to meet up with my dear friend, Monaco, and join her at a house party. With only an hour to get to my 20 minute - away destination, I flagged a taxi. After much arguing and changing of routes, it was fruitless to think I would make it to my friends' venue before midnight. The taxi driver and I quit debating and it was inevitable that we would be watching the fireworks together. We were abruptly and rudely stopped on a five lane highway on Sheik Zayed Road, in front of the Burj Khalifa. Ten minutes to midnight. I stepped outside for a moment and dialed my friends to tell them I'd join them after midnight for a belated celebration. It may be hours before I could reach them as the city was shut down!

At that moment a man on a motorcycle approached me and devilishly asked me if I wanted a ride. Under other circumstances I would not be an advocate for such risks - actually, that is not true, I weighed my options and being a complete motorcycle loving, risk - taker, I jumped on in my short dress and bore my heels onto the pegs. We zipped in and out of traffic and I watched the fireworks from the back of this gentleman's bike! It was straight out of a movie! He was an excellent rider and for some reason I felt safe speeding down the highway without a helmet. (Thinking consciously later, I can vow that I will be smarter next time and care for my safety!) It was an amazing and unforgettable night. Most often spontainiety is the perfect recipe for the making of a memory and I was thrilled to have allowed myself to enjoy that adventure! The rest of the night - into the morning is history...

Speaking of adventures, I recently returned from a Sydney, Australia and Auckland, New Zealand operational. The six - day layover was incredible. The flights were a breeze and I had company along one sector. A friend booked himself on my flight as he was on his way home to Auckland, for leave. We met up in Auckland and he showed me some very beautiful sights. It is summer in the South Pacific and with the warm weather I had feelings of being on vacation! We shared an amazing meal at a cozy and hip outdoor bistro that had a sensational menu, complete with New Zealand wine. The night ended with Champagne and many laughs.

The morning of this 24 hour layover, I was surprised by said friend, with a car ride to the country. This journey brought us to Auckland SKYDIVE! I was stunned and didn't have a chance, even if I thought for a brief second, that I could get out of this one! Even though I have been waiting for this moment, I went through all the usual emotions; denial, shock, perhaps even anger, to name a few. Before long I was grinning ear to ear  and with an incredibly goofy smile fixed on my face, we suited up! After absorbing only a fraction of the instructions presented to us, we boarded the small aircraft and took off. The scene was incredible; I mean the scene and the scenery! My friend and I were the only "tourists" that day and we went up with avid jumpers who were happy to be going up for a leisurely dive on our dime. The crew knew we were used to high altitudes and upon our stunned agreeance, took us a little higher than I think was legal (don't quote me) and they extended our freefall even though this was both, our first jump! Hell yeah!

I cannot begin to explain the details of each and every moment. My tandem instructor was brilliant. Sam is from the UK and resides in New Zealand where he jumps on some days and surfs the other days. I am not sure what he does at night, but no doubt it is condusive to his rush seeking! We were the last to jump out of the six chutes. I watched each and every jumper get themselves to the edge of the open doors and push off! The anticipation heightened my experience and I became more and more expectant as my turn neared! We shimmied over to the edge, Sam and I, my breath caught and I concentrated on arching my back and looking up. We dropped! I watched the white, gleaming plane above us become smaller and smaller as we plummeted downward. I tried to breathe and then relaxed into it; even finding myself smiling as I took in the sights; the sparkling coastline, the beautiful landscape, the fluffy clouds and the colourful parachutes below. After about 45 to 55 seconds the chute was pulled and the sensation was such a rush, as I was able to comprehend what just happened, and all became quiet in my ears. There was a camera in my face, which is bitter-sweet. Bitter because I am camera shy and wanted to be only aware of sky and the earth. Sweet because when I watch the video I cannot stop rolling around on the ground, laughing, and the memory rushes back all at once, all over again. Incredible!

I owe many, many thanks to the weather -gods that day, and more importantly, to my friend who made this amazing day happen for us. Thank you, H! We shared something that I will never forget - a pinnacle experience engraved! I certainly feel very alive and even with that thrilling jump fresh in my mind, and another jump in my sights, my new travel buddy and I vow to top that expedition. Perhaps a surfing school vacation in Bali or the South of France, or a cable car bungee "flight" in South Africa... I am off to do some research!!

Seoul after Soul

Days go by and by and by. Since Seoul I have travelled to Sydney, Australia and Auckland, New Zealand. I have also just returned from New York City. The six day Auzzie trip, including three energy - testing layovers, is long and always fueled with excitement; plans are made and we're off experiencing all we can in the limited hours we have. Endurance is stretched and I am quite in awe, at times, as to how we perform so professionally, elegantly and with such patience on the flights. Like speed - dating, we are speed travelling, and then we put on our uniforms and act the part with sincerity and care for complete strangers. Once I return to my apartment in Dubai, I am torn between catching up with my friends, should they be in the city, and retreating to my pajamas or to the beach. One involves eventful escapades and the other a blissful near- coma experience. One entails make-up and fuss and the other, acceptable neglect! My friends usually win the "fight" and I thank them for their always exuberant energy and impossible- to- decline invitations! Have I mentioned how these friends are my family?

Tonight, however, I decline. Exhausted from a Saudi Arabia, five hour "turn- around" that turned into a fourteen hour day as we experienced delays on ground, and in the air, the latter due to trials and practices in Dubai airspace by aviators around the world preparing for "The Most Expensive Show in the World": The Duabi Airshow. Today's operational flight drafted me to find allowances in myself that I did not know existed. The Islamic peoples are currently conducting their pilgrimage to the Mecca, and full, demanding flights kept crew on their toes. Adherring to their culture and protecting their zam zam water onboard that they collected from the fountain located in the Mecca, careful not to touch men in passing after they have vowed to Miqat and are in their Ihram dressing after a long procedure of washing in the lavatories - picture men of all ages and shapes in nearly nothing, draped in white cloth and as one looks down the aircraft cabins there is a sea of white clothed passengers. I have spoken Arabic I didn't even know I knew! Dutifully, I informed passengers of the direction of the Qibla and gave space for prayer on the aircraft.

Presently, I am at a restless - rest now, rewarded with work -well done, but beaten. Fatigued, but gladly in a comfortable and familiar room. My bedroom. Not another hotel room with strange sounds and smells, where I worry to wake up in alarming wonder, initially, as to where I am. My bed, my few things, which are growing and I will never be able to take them home with me, my books, my music and my notes will comfort me to sleep tonight. Yes, my notes: I blog, I log and I keep notes in a somewhat nerdy fashion. It alights my lofty and analytical mind and it helps me get some grounded "down time". Quite honestly, to encourage before said, I have one Arabic television channel that interrupts old movies with prayer intermissions that are admittedly not welcome! (Earnestly, one minute you're watching "Top Gun", for instance, right before Tom Cruise and Kelli Gillis are about to have their infamous romantic encounter - finally, and the screen blanks out. Arabic prayer music erupts and graphics bazarely appear. The show returns and ...nothing. On with the plot minus the goods!) Where am I? I exagerrate only slightly. Further to that, comically, I have watched movies in the public cinema, such as Hangover II and the censorship is hilarious to be sure! Note to self - See blockbusters at Outstations!

Complaints aside - enough of my soul but onto SEOUL!

Perhaps, like a musician, just as any fitting music may move someone to sound, or the pull to study a specific area of interest or art: art of intellect, inspiration in sciences, kinetic movement, mathematics, philosophy, on and on, or a "layman" passionate to any subject of choice, for that matter, I am drawn lately, to words. Words are my beat. Inspiration to recount and interpret only moments. An avenue to share this journey. I find myself typing my keys in such a way as if I was hitting keys of some sort of synthysizer; profoundly wanting to express. As for beat, I still feel the beat of Seoul with all of its sights; day and night.

Excuse my lofty self: KOREA, bordered by eight mountains, is a stunningly technological, and a highly advanced structural metroplolis! The architecture is modern and exact.  Bisected by the Han River, the city is spectacular - historically a trade route to China via the Yellow Sea. Seoul is the capital of South Korea and means "special city". The population in the heart of Seoul is 12 million and including the very near vacinity it is over 20 million! Vancouver, Canada - the population is 2.3 million. Imagine the comparison.

I ventured out into the streets, exiting my hotel which is centralized in the Yeongdong District. I am minutes away from downtown Seoul and the Itaewon District. The metro being the third largest in the enitre world, is simple, efficient and I feel safe day or night. The KTX Bullet train is impressive! Asking, periodically, for directions is easy in the business district as English speaking people are available after a few bashful attempts.

There is quite a presence of Christianity, surprisingly to me, who is admittedly ignorant of the structure and politics of South Korea. I happened across an impossibly massive and beautiful church that resembles that of the churches in Rome! How oddly it stood out.

The divide between North and South Korea is clear. So unbelievably clear that I require my passport to be taken when visiting the DMZ  - De-militerized Zone. The Estuary is currently closed and is in the Transition Area - bordered by "Two Koreas," civil entry has been barred; no longer actively used for navigation.

The nightlife and food makes me wish I had more time! .. And I will return, so more personal experiences to follow.

Continuing this blog, I just returned from a beautiful vacation to my home, Vancouver. I immediately touched down, slept momentarily and travelled, once again, to Seoul. Home, just now, in Dubai - this girl should try very hard to sleep for more than a four hour interval! Business Class promotional course to follow in a day! I am prepared and excited for a whole new world in the upper deck of the A380 Airbus! You should see this place! Google it!

The Senses

I've been reading diligently; finding a certain console. I finished 6 books recently, ranging from authors such as the Dhali Lama to Ernest Hemingway. I have picked up books here and there with subjects baring titles such as, "Yoga Bitch," to "Beruit to Jerusalem". Books and this blog seem to be somewhat like my boyfriend, as I have been known to say before. I escape and consult, learn, and I find companionship. I visit, come home to, travel with, and bring to my bedroom these books. I am faithful to the writings, even if I find it not to my perfect liking and I finish it to the end, if it must end, taking from it what may intrigue, enlighten, entertain, evoke anger or teach. Always loyal and appreciative.

I say this all too aware of the judgement of such statements and certainly recognize that this portrays an exposed solitudeness beyond reprieve, and may even provoke a certain sadness, in some, for me! Allow me to explain how words have opened me up to travel and life!

The writings, at times, have included real time and place, and at other times, the literature explores history and landmarks, or both! Recognizable when one is actually standing on the very soil and experiencing the structure, the art, or grounds. For example, enjoying a latte below the Eiffel Tower, or sitting and feeling the sun in the square at The Louvre in Paris. Traversing the Great Wall in China with ones own feet! (Not sure if there is any other way). Listening to a symphony at the Opera House in Sydney with near tears promising to be worthy. Smelling the raw meats on the streets of Bangkok on a hot, humid day when not feeling well to begin with, or watching horrible, unconcievable events transpire in many parts of the world;  not all is beautiful and pleasing.

A kind of relationship, or at least a connectedness involving anything from a passing moment with a barista to a more personal encounter as being unfortunate and without language to help one achieve answers to goals when lost in a foreign country and having a complete stranger there to help most anxiously. I feel my senses detecting and absorbing all instances, big or small. It is overwhelming and consuming.

Fleeting moments, all moving too fast for one like me, who wishes to appreciate and "pay tribute" to perplexities around me. Simple moments evaporate. This is life, I understand. Fast motion that exhausts and energizes me all at the very same time. I have neither complaint or pure joy as there is no time for that. Or, I have both and it is all too much. I do, however, learn to take in what I can and appreciate all moments as they come and go. Isn't this what we all do?

So I listen, observe, and touch, and I smell and taste. Presently, feeling a trifle lost and if you can understand, found, I observe mostly these days. I observe if I like what I am smelling or tasting, what I am hearing and overall: what I am feeling about all of the senses. How strange to me to be living a dream such as this life I live, and appreciate it all. What a perfect avenue to find more! And more my heart will find.

Speaking of the heart, and I sincerely wish not to "dwell" on lonlieness, however, I cannot ignore my heart. I have never been this far away from loved ones and the sheer pain, at times, is unignorable and deplorable. I have not been without family and a partner in all my life. It is just me here, in a sense. At least that is how I feel often. As much as this experience has opened me up to unforgettable and lasting bonds. I am surrounded by lovely, sisterly, friends. I am lucky. But, we leave, we come back, and we leave again. Each searching for what will keep us here or take us away. No abandoment issues here, as I am the abandomer, just a sense of an immenent transient lifestyle, therefore, one I have concluded, to be embraced and to develop from and then, inevitablay, to move on from.

Books may not take all the credit. My life and learning thus far warrants much award for my seemingly melancholy writing. An upcoming visit home is on my mind. The future is ringing in my ears and further dreams of settling down to a humble abode, while ridding the world of disease is in my sights ;)

The sunny disposition always prevails, thank goodness! Onto Seoul, Korea in a day plus one. The "plus one" will entail more packing and preparation on the way to forever keep moving. Moving onwards to the next adventure.

Continuing this blog, days later -- I have much to say about Seoul!! An amazing city, to say the very least at this time as it is very early in the morning, but which has not a lot of baring except that I am incoherent: I have just returned. I have unpacked my bags, climatized my still swaying body from the turbulent flight. I now swipe the red lipstick from my face and draw my curtains tight and will fall suit to no attempt at sleep....... I look forward to updating my events to my Korea trip! Correspondence,  Emails, work - on ground - roster checking..... and it seems a second date with a doctor lingers..... Too tired to contemplate.

Traffic In The Sky

"Honest question, sir, you say it is 6 o'clock... Is that Am or PM?" I have found this question unabashedly falling from my lips, just hoping for understanding from the reciever of such a ridiculous query.  No apologies as my faulty "excuse" is that I am a flight attendant; no longer able to recollect simple things and forever sleep deprived and moving. I challenge anyone to travel, and land in, three continents in a week- long period and have some wits about them as they sleepily awake at any given hour: night or day, and attempt to climatize. The last three months are a complete blur and it near amuses me to analyze my state at times.

I am quite certain that many hotel staff hear it all, and perhaps because I have worked in the hotel and many service dynamics which is in turn capsulated in the airline industry, I allowed myself some candidness, and well, with the lack of ability to consult my many mobile and electronic devices, in full trust, to tell me what is what, this is where I find myself periodically. The sun and moon even fail me as I confusably attempt to determine night and day.

Secondly, still speaking to guest services of my hotel I timidly asked, "...also, I am calling to trouble someone to take the 'child - lock' off my in- room television." To wrap up and explain this irritating moment, the techie ensured me I was not an idiot and that the request involved some in-depth computer synching, etc. He brought several remote devices and worked importantly on my television. Embarassingly, the last channel "engaged" was the "Girls Gone Wild" channel. Let's just say he was thankfully humorous when I joked about the realism and value that tables ritualistic colleagaites "letting off steam" after tremulous exams, surely, to the viewing public. He would do better not to judge my tastes.... ha ha ... We bantered further, mocking my percieved choice of programming and then we derived that some previous minor must have been trying to watch the series and perhaps the T.V. obediently tried to censor in defense, and froze its circuits. He was very funny and lightened my day of idiocy. We are on a first name basis and I have free movies whenever I stay: A perk of a human connection to brighten one's day. Life is like that, and of course, I have a new friend.

Back in Duabi

Today I welcomed laundry. Something domestic. I made a useless grocery list as I am not ever home long enough to warrant any sort of stock or entertain percieved thoughts of cooking a week of meals, I looked for bills to pay. I prematurely paid my internet and mobile phone bill; my only two bills besides my credit card. I put some money on my credit card, just to be thorough. I talked to my plants, and then my roommates plants. By that I mean, I noticed they were lacking water and I said, " You need water." Amused, I thought, I am truly uncomfortable with a moments peace. I have been on such an amazing fast - tracked journey that I am not quite sure of normalcy anymore. Three bills covered and laundry done. I've just returned from Paris, New York, Hong Kong or Sydney; Now what?

I am trying to embrace this fleeting time of luxury. I think of my beautiful friends who are mothers and care for their wonderful family while holding careers, or those who are working night jobs while pouring their energy into studies by day. Or all of the above! I have certainly strived since exiting grade school and whatever obstacle that I invited or came into, I endured, and now life is a little easier. I struggle to find balance! Honestly, as hard as I work, I feel spoiled and slightly ungrounded.

Perhaps mundane for a blog spot, however, it is apart from my usual history reviews of touristy places I have visited, and is a real and true reflection of this expereince I am living, additionally including my mild complaints of flying and its drama. I am forever trying to push myself and am anxious to further my education and with that, as I keep up on world events, for example, I continue to support various charity causes. I even volunteered at our local Dubai zoo and adore a lovely female giraffe, named Cathy. "Cathy - the Girafee" is a beautiful creature who needs dental work.

Well, before I, or anyone, mistakes me for one of those blogster, animal loving singleites, (the ones with their cats and TV dinners,) perhaps without the capacity or avenue of sharing daily episodes directly, at times, allow me to express. My "calendar" is far from empty and as much as I try and "hole-up" in my bedroom, struck by depleted energy and life after completing insane operationals, or flights- that is my job, there are continuous events I am quite entirely excited for.

Dubai is an intriguing, beautiful place. A bit of a facade, and some politics that scare me, still, I explore this "Vegas in the desert," I realize there truly is something for everyone.

Speaking of Vegas - I am excited to return home in November and my most best, beautiful, smart, funny, lovely.. on and on, girlfriends and I may venture to Las Vegas for a much needed catch up. We shall see what we choose to do! Besides that, I am excited to come home to my family. My strong, beautiful Mother; my rock! I am anticipating sharing some real time with this woman, who I love so very much. It will be so extremely difficult to leave, again. But, she will help me with this. I count on it! Her beautiful reminders of life and taking nothing for granted, to be strong and always authentic - whatever it may be at the time of this journey, she supports and guides - with a hint of  "devils' advocate." I love you.

In the meantime: Traffic in the sky. I am preparing for my next flight: Beijing. I just returned from Bangkok and it was sweet followed by bitter. I fell very ill and was grounded and medically sanctioned to stand down due to a severe infection of sinuses and a head cold, rendering my ears useless for flight. After 7 days I was released to return to Dubai. Complete torture, by the way!

I did manage to have one amazing night, reunited with a good friend from Canada. We had an incredible night with his friends and perhaps gained some lasting contacts with some of his female acquantances. One place, amongst our adventure that night, is "Mr. Wong's"  - a little secret place quoted to be, "The wrong place to be, Mr. Wong's"... Also, we went to this rooftop place and briefly wound down from an amazing Thai dinner - The alleyways and the luck of "locals" brought us to some unforgettable places. Happy birthday to Marty! (P.S. Marty - that writer from L.A. - shared some of his writing and, wow! We have been corresponding. I shall share with you soon as I may need some advice!

Four days off and a "date" on the agenda. A doctor, here in Dubai has asked me to dinner and a casual drink. Dr. A is picking me up tomorrow night and, well, I am trying to be more open - so here goes... perhaps more to come on this one ;) Eeck... dating! Who knows....?

Channeling China : Beijing's Bricks

After a day and a half off, and surviving Bangkok, Thailand, my stewardess roster brought me to Beijing, China. Beijing, or Peking, the capital city of The Peoples Republic of China, is incredibly populated and is the second largest metropolis in all of China according to its density, and is three times the size of Hong Kong.  Beijing is home to 19.6 million people!

Wanting to get out of this density with its smog and thick pollution, car horns blaring and chaotic traffic, I decided to venture to the Great Wall. With a thirty three hour layover, time was on my side to see some sights, get some exercise and gain some culture. I booked an early shuttle from my hotel to first, the Ming Tombs and then the Great Wall; or a section of it at least.

Built originally to protect the northern borders of the Chinese Empire against intrusion by various nomadic groups, it wasn’t formally stated, but this refers to the Mongolian people, the Great Wall was expanded and reconstructed time and time again with each new Emperor that came into power. In its entirety, it has been concluded that the structure with all its branches delineating  Inner Mongolia, stretches 5,500 miles.

Built at a great cost to human life, The Great Wall consumed hundreds of thousands of workers, perhaps even up to one million. As my new friends and I were passing through a tunnel, I could swear to you that one of these workers- past,  gave me a ghostly tap on the shoulder. It could have been the breeze, or perhaps it was the very putrid fragrance from the stink weeds nearby that were getting to my head.

The Chinese Emperors kept concubines with them in the Forbidden City. By the Qing dynasty there were around 20,000. They served a dual purpose – to ensure the Emperor a very good chance of producing an heir and, of course, limitless opportunities to indulge his more licentious instincts. There was also a very convenient Daoist theory that helped the Emperor justify requiring the favour of 20,000 different women. According to the theory, the Emperor represented the extreme of Yang, and so therefore it was essential for the harmony of the cosmos that he have sex with as many women (women are yin) as possible.

It was not just men who were dying in masses. Women sacrificed themselves by the thousands in honor of their Emperor. Ancient Emperors would take thousands of mistresses; some as young as twelve years old. These young concubines would participate “willingly” in a suicide offering themselves to their Emperor. They would ceremoniously tie a noose around their neck and take their own life. I am confused as they were ordered to do this, but it was themselves who took their own life; it would be a sin otherwise. Murder disguised. Religion and its cultures can be quite manipulative and continues to be.

I traversed a large section of this beholding and immensely breathtaking fortification, called, Juyongguan Pass.  Also known as Badaling. Most of what we see today was reconstructed, extended and repaired during the Ming Era forward. Interestingly, as recent as 2009, 180 miles of undetected portions of the wall were discovered. The sections had been submerged, over time, by sandstorms.

The terrain was treacherous and not what I expected as there were parts where you had to pull yourself up using the side of the wall; it was incredibly steep.  I looked around  in awe of how well the elderly Chinese people near me were faring so well in the heat.  I sat down to catch my breath. An elderly woman sat down beside me.

In an attempt to be friendly and inviting, since she practically sat right on top of me, forgetting not everyone in the world speaks English, I said to her something referencing my knowledge on the Ming Dynasty and that the stones and brick we were currently sitting on was built in the Ming Era – Seven centuries ago! Regardless whether she understood me or not, I felt the need to express my appreciation out loud. She caught me off guard by stating there were many Emperors who had their “days with the wall”.  She told me some were bad Emperors and they just wanted wine and women. They did nothing for China, she said, Ming was good. She smiled, exposing blackened teeth, and then she waddled away.

I was swarmed a few times. Tourists; Chinese men and women stopping me to have their picture taken with myself. Sometimes not asking, just snapping away.  The Chinese call my hair “pale hair” and as it was charming , I complied, holding up the peace sign and grinning with random, shy and pleasant fellow- wall walkers. I really should have touched up my darkening roots ;)

After only a few miles on foot, it was time to meet up with my hired shuttle back to my hotel and catch three hours sleep before the long flight home to Dubai, and dammit, we were running very late. Rush –hour traffic. The shuttle had three more stops before my hotel and I asked to be let off, right there on the chaotic street. I had to find a taxi very fast as the three hours rest I had planned  was now “out the window”;  wake up call for my flight was in less than an hour. I had no idea where I was and thank the heavens or perhaps just sheer luck, my room key had the hotel address, in full, inscribed on it. It was a mistake to leave my hotel without having business cards, address and phone numbers in case of an emergency.

After trying desperately to flag down a cab for half an hour, I began to worry. Out into traffic I went, tapping on occupied cabs, asking if I could please jump in. It was a difficult task without an ounce of the native language. Beautifully, moments later, a man came running towards me, through a sea of people in the crowd, from up the block! In very broken English he spoke something and motioned me to come join his commute. Down the block was his waiting taxi. I thanked him non-stop for his rescue! My new young friend, Lewis (English name, of course!) was very chatty en route to my lodgings and although I was stressed and exhausted, I was entertained and felt at ease now that I was certain I wouldn't be fired. I learned that Lewis is a DJ and seemed very excited we are now friends as he would like me to teach him English. He said I would make a very beautiful teacher. Slightly blushing and amused, I am laughing right now as he was very sweet. I am not sure what I just entered, here, but I did give him my email address as I was so thankful for his rescue. He has emailed me seven times. Oh boy...

Home now, I must book my flight to Munich, Germany. If I can find accommodation I will spending three wonderful days off experiencing Oktoberfest. Cheers!

New York

Four o'clock AM  - not my favourite hour to rise from evading sleep these days, but waking to, yes, "selling my soul" firstly, to my profession, and then arriving in NEW YORK to reap the benefits of such job; the upside outweighs protocol discomforts. I was up early, sipping tea and finalizing packing, finishing off with applying "night make-up" as the morning sun comes up. Sincerely, red lipstick doesn't look appealing in the dawn hours. I did not know exactly what plans I would choose to follow when I got there. After a 14 hour flight how much energy would I actually have?  I'd received a couple emails and invites and had some decisions to make. Over thirty hours to myself, on the company's dime, including a full afternoon, evening and an entire day to roam. The weather forecast looked promising in the wake of a hurricane a few days prior, cancelling flights, and I was ecstatic to have this always entertaining, layover.

The flight was full, demanding and tiring beyond even my experience of holding three jobs formerly in Vancouver, but was successful in that there were no major incidents involving human life. I half mean this morbidly - comical, however, much can happen while in the air. Only once did I have to attend to a screaming lady where I heard the cries and immediately entered the cabin and asked, "who's yelling out, is somebody hurt?" Passengers pointed out a lone woman and I went to my knees at her side, ready to resssucitate her if need be! Such alarm. Turns out she only had a nightmare. Thank goodness! First class had just made me an esquisite latte and I intended to enjoy it! Leave me alone for just a minute.... you vultures! ;) (I was a fighting fatigue after running laps around the aircraft for nine hours and awaiting my turn at the crew cabin "coffins" we attempt to sleep in for a bit.) I brought her peppermint tea and sat with her awhile and didn't leave her until she was calm. I never asked what she dreamed, but wonder now.

Dazed, but accustomed to fatigue, crew and I arrived to the hotel. In New York we reside at the Sheraton Manhattan, perfectly situated between Central Park and Times Square. I must politely brag here and say, it doesn't get better than that! Life is brilliant, the streets are crowded, busy and tempting in every way. A Broadway show perhaps, a walk and delicious dining while taking in the weekend night - life? A pro-sports game or concert of some sort.... A comedy show at Comedy Central? A production at Radio City Music Hall? A cruise around the Statue of Liberty. Maybe a arobatic lesson at the Trapeze Institute overlooking the river separating Manhattan from New Jersey?

Upon arrival and obediently accepting our monetary allowance, as usual, crew offer up options and like clockwork we agree to meet in the lobby at a certain time depending on who we bonded with or who's met before, or who we want to get to know further due to compatibilities. So many operationals, (flights) often involve 28 to 32 crew, from all over the world, meeting for the first time. This is a very cool experience in itself.

Usually, I hang out with the girls, meaning the gays or previously met female colleagues, and of course, anyone who tags along. May I add, I've had the best time with some of my gay friends. Love them! This time I had a few invites, a very straight crew, and an agenda of my own that I wanted to pursue, offered up and emailed to me by my friend, David. I was torn and wanted to do it all. And did!

I had an open invite to, well, the US Open Invitational Tennis. My colleague and supervisor invited me to join him in experiencing the exciting competitions. I did decline going to the U. S. Open, however as I readied myself to meet other colleagues, I played the live action on my hotel room television. I am a complete lover of live sports events of any kind and wondered if I should have went along. At $160 US per ticket, I hoped I wouldn't regret missing the excitement. On the telly, I glimpsed something similar to a football match, with standing fans yelling and cheering, followed by a "golf - like" shush,  and on cue,  the spectators hushed immediately. So civilized.

I chose to join our Captain and a fellow colleague, Adam, from the U.K. The plan involved others but it is not unheard of if people "jam" as we all have different energy levels. We were disappointed that the other three pilots bailed and were sure to let them know how much they missed out the next day. We grabbed a cab and headed to Pier 66. We wanted fresh air, scenery, the non- comittal distance in case we "hit a wall," and the wonderful choice of BEER from taps showcasing varieties from a plethora of micro breweries, famous to the U.S.

So much fun! We arrived to an area near the Meat Packers District and were greeted to a huge line-up to a funky place called, The Frying Pan, on Pier 66. It was Friday night and we expected crowds and a queue. We were let in easily, how very nice! We drank Checker Cab Blonde Ale, shared stories, people watched and laughed. The atmosphere was lively, like a beer festival. A tabled, beer garden of sorts on a pier. A beautiful and lively night. Hours later, when sentences became difficult, we headed back to the hotel wishing we could continue the night, but after a long flight one becomes slightly enebriated within four drinks; we were lethargic and unable to make any small decisions, let alone small talk. This is the inevitable aftermath of the "flight- fatigue". Jet-lagged, but hungry, I bid goodnight to my companions and made my way to a deli across from my hotel. I wanted no more conversation but desired New York cheesecake. I love the deli and they recognize me, or so I think, and they offer me discounts if I eat in, saying things like, "Don't go, you're breaking my heart!" Oh, New York and the accents! I never stay, though. I take all sorts of food and a single serving of wine to devour in my hotel room in front of the most convincing infomercials presented on my television, upon my comfy bed. Shattered, I fall asleep, spoiled and welcoming sleeping alone.

Eight o'clock AM, I arise to a sunny, warm day. My inner clock has no idea what is Am or PM, but I am eager to get outside amongst all that is New York. An amazing, photogetic city, with its architecture, street food rivalling Bangkok, taxi mayhem resembling Hong Kong, and accents confusing me into thinking I was in New Orleans, or somewhere in Italy. All at 9 o'clock AM.

I followed my emailed itinerary with slight deviations. I made my way through Manhattan towards Broadway as it was a nice day to walk. Beginning at 7th and 52nd, I proceeded to the SoHo area where the numbered streets took on names, and ended up in Chinatown. During the five hour excursion I discovered book stores I wanted to stay the entire day in, vintage clothing boutiques, deli's, and famous cafes. I ate and shopped; my bags too heavy and my tummy full I realized I needed to get back to my hotel to rest before my fourteen hour flight home to Dubai. However, I was quite lost and too tired to navigate my way back to Manhattan. Two minutes later I was in a cab, nodding off.

I am now waking, after a couple days rest, surpirsed that I had such jet-lag this trip. After a year of doing nothing but travelling, I find it strange that I am so tired after this particular trip. Though I do not have the luxury to wallow in a spa day or lay by the pool. I am off to Bangkok in an hour!

Yes, the dreaded Bangkok trip - with its bald -tired crew transport bus, stormy, monsoon summers and vaulted highways!

Banged up in Bangkok

I am less than three days in and recovering from a near - fatal bus crash.  Although I am fighting and resisting writing about this experience, wondering if I am perhaps dwelling on the recent events, thoughts resonate in my mind and I cannot help but recount the reality of what happened.

All 28 crew returned to Dubai and are safe and healthy. Currently, I find myself struggling to move towards authentic gratefulness. I know I will get there, perhaps even as soon as tomorrow, however, at the moment I feel frustrations bordering on anger, admittedly, self - pity and wishing someone would miraculously understand the magnitude and perhaps say some magic words to stifle my fear.

August 28th, 2011, 28 crew endured delays to finally reach our destination; Bangkok. We were more than tired - we were shattered and exhausted after a day in uniform for over 16 hours. We operated a turn- around from Hong Kong to Bangkok. Wonderfully, our transport received us and we slumped happily on our seat en route to our hotel. As usual, there was chatter about the full flight, followed by earphones to the ears, lipstick wiped off faces, and hair loosesend. We were free from the view of the public at airports and passengers who followed us taking pictures.

About 20 to 30 minutes into our blissfull ride to our awaiting bed -  Oh my god, we were sliding! Sideways and out of control as if we were on ice. Worse than that, we were on a vaulted highway in a double decker bus. It was 3:40 am and the rain was pelting down fiercly. It is monsoon season in Thailand.

I felt it, the slow sway, the incorrect slide, immediately and was alarmed with so many thoughts. Initially, there was mild concern as I thought the bus driver hydro-planned but would certainly gain control. Everything was in slow motion. But we nearly tipped and then we fish-tailed towards the other side of the highway. I remember thinking for a split-second that perhaps our driver fell asleep at the wheel, but our driver was trying to compensate for the direction heading towards the edge of this escalated highway where we had no chance of survival. This went on, back and forth in a slow and terrifying, rounded zig zag. Maybe 30 seconds in, I was hoping and praying that he was going to get control. I remember my earphones falling out of my ears, I was listening to french conversation, and I began saying, "no, no, please.....," over and over, very quietly, but audible. We then hit the side of the highway, just lightly enough to send us out of control again, more swiftly and tipping, I began to go into shock. I was SURE there was no chance of anything but disaster. At this time my mind just didn't go to the place of what extent. We, again, swerved to the other side - my side, where I could see the edge coming. I looked out my window seat and saw everything below. The height, the ground so far away. I was so high up and occupying the backseat which was raised higher than all other seats, and being at the aft of the bus I felt every whip of the out of control vehicle. I saw concrete, I saw how high we were up and I felt the speed. I heard gasps and groans and half screams. Now I was clonic. Rigid, waiting, "please just stop!" I wished we would just tip on the highway. I would welcome the injuries. I wanted to just stay on the highway. I begged to "the universe" to spare us and just crash  - please don't go over the edge. Then, we swerved again, and  again and I shut down. We veered again and again. It just went on too long, enough time to realize all that was inevitable. I don't remember how we came to a halt.(We discussed later that we teetered long enough to have lasting effect, equivalent to trauma as if we survived near-death three times over!)  I was confused, as I was sure we should be dead. There was no question. It was surreal. I watched, I felt, I knew. I felt the ridiculous vehicle near- tip - I watched several times as the edge came towards me and promised devastation, promised tipping over the edge to a concrete grave. You might not ever understand and I never want you to. We stopped.....

Moments, after screaming ceased, I realized, I didn't hear them before... just stillness and then I yelled, "Please stop, please let's just stop for awhile...." I was full of panic. I wanted off but wanted to follow colleagues who sat still in their seats. Here we were sprawled across a four lane higway.... Where were other cars - what if we hit another car....? My mind was swimming, my hand was in the colleague's hand beside me. I think tears were in my eyes.... What the fuck just happened....? I didn't want one word spoken to me. I needed to figure out how we were still alive! And I needed to breathe!

Long story, short - we crawled "home" in that hateful bus. No police, no console. We were all in shock. The pilot, Captain, had yelling words with the driver and our amazing Purser, our supervisor. Adam was supportive and I knew we were in good hands. A short time after, we simply kept going to our hotel. We dispersed and some of us met to sip beers - wide eyed and wanting interaction.

I got to my room and proceeded to throw up. I fumbled through my cell phone and attempted to call my mum. I couldn't get through and was thankful as I needed some time to be with my colleagues. We chatted for hours into the early morning, sipping big beers. We had to sleep as we had to operate back home to Dubai that very day. (We sipped beers legally, by the way).

That is that... We woke up and got on the bus and transported to the airport. The driver drove beautifully slow during that rainy, thunder and lightening night. We arrived later than usual and quicky made our way to the gates, and operated our full, demanding flight, as usual.

I feel tension and I feel tears well up as I re-counted the events. I feel strong, though. I am slowly feeling authentic gratitude. I feel that I do not give a shit if I am dwelling a little bit. I am feeling that it is ok that when I re- tell the events, some say, "I would have beat the crap outta that driver". I dismiss that they have no idea as to what it feels like to SEE before your eyes death right in front of you and that that driver who put us in danger, also got us out, due his experience. I know that there are many tiny factors contributing to us being here. Had there been a car in the wrong place, had there been weight of our crew luggage in another spot...? I regress and think about it all before I try and sleep. I go on in my head and am still in awe.

Big breath.... I am home and I had a nice dinner with girlfriends. I wasn't quiet about my episode and after speaking with my mom and spending some time with Monaco, Stephanie, and Jamie. I feel beautiful. Back to almost normal, although, I held Steph's hand during a cab ride... We were travelling too fast... and she knew...  Thank god, thank the universe, or whoever you thank - for beautiful friends!
Thank you for sharing this experience. I look forward to moving FORWARD. I am off to New York - where I feel so alive and can't wait to share happy experiences. I LOVE this city. What I get up to will be shared soon ;)