The Senses

I've been reading diligently; finding a certain console. I finished 6 books recently, ranging from authors such as the Dhali Lama to Ernest Hemingway. I have picked up books here and there with subjects baring titles such as, "Yoga Bitch," to "Beruit to Jerusalem". Books and this blog seem to be somewhat like my boyfriend, as I have been known to say before. I escape and consult, learn, and I find companionship. I visit, come home to, travel with, and bring to my bedroom these books. I am faithful to the writings, even if I find it not to my perfect liking and I finish it to the end, if it must end, taking from it what may intrigue, enlighten, entertain, evoke anger or teach. Always loyal and appreciative.

I say this all too aware of the judgement of such statements and certainly recognize that this portrays an exposed solitudeness beyond reprieve, and may even provoke a certain sadness, in some, for me! Allow me to explain how words have opened me up to travel and life!

The writings, at times, have included real time and place, and at other times, the literature explores history and landmarks, or both! Recognizable when one is actually standing on the very soil and experiencing the structure, the art, or grounds. For example, enjoying a latte below the Eiffel Tower, or sitting and feeling the sun in the square at The Louvre in Paris. Traversing the Great Wall in China with ones own feet! (Not sure if there is any other way). Listening to a symphony at the Opera House in Sydney with near tears promising to be worthy. Smelling the raw meats on the streets of Bangkok on a hot, humid day when not feeling well to begin with, or watching horrible, unconcievable events transpire in many parts of the world;  not all is beautiful and pleasing.

A kind of relationship, or at least a connectedness involving anything from a passing moment with a barista to a more personal encounter as being unfortunate and without language to help one achieve answers to goals when lost in a foreign country and having a complete stranger there to help most anxiously. I feel my senses detecting and absorbing all instances, big or small. It is overwhelming and consuming.

Fleeting moments, all moving too fast for one like me, who wishes to appreciate and "pay tribute" to perplexities around me. Simple moments evaporate. This is life, I understand. Fast motion that exhausts and energizes me all at the very same time. I have neither complaint or pure joy as there is no time for that. Or, I have both and it is all too much. I do, however, learn to take in what I can and appreciate all moments as they come and go. Isn't this what we all do?

So I listen, observe, and touch, and I smell and taste. Presently, feeling a trifle lost and if you can understand, found, I observe mostly these days. I observe if I like what I am smelling or tasting, what I am hearing and overall: what I am feeling about all of the senses. How strange to me to be living a dream such as this life I live, and appreciate it all. What a perfect avenue to find more! And more my heart will find.

Speaking of the heart, and I sincerely wish not to "dwell" on lonlieness, however, I cannot ignore my heart. I have never been this far away from loved ones and the sheer pain, at times, is unignorable and deplorable. I have not been without family and a partner in all my life. It is just me here, in a sense. At least that is how I feel often. As much as this experience has opened me up to unforgettable and lasting bonds. I am surrounded by lovely, sisterly, friends. I am lucky. But, we leave, we come back, and we leave again. Each searching for what will keep us here or take us away. No abandoment issues here, as I am the abandomer, just a sense of an immenent transient lifestyle, therefore, one I have concluded, to be embraced and to develop from and then, inevitablay, to move on from.

Books may not take all the credit. My life and learning thus far warrants much award for my seemingly melancholy writing. An upcoming visit home is on my mind. The future is ringing in my ears and further dreams of settling down to a humble abode, while ridding the world of disease is in my sights ;)

The sunny disposition always prevails, thank goodness! Onto Seoul, Korea in a day plus one. The "plus one" will entail more packing and preparation on the way to forever keep moving. Moving onwards to the next adventure.

Continuing this blog, days later -- I have much to say about Seoul!! An amazing city, to say the very least at this time as it is very early in the morning, but which has not a lot of baring except that I am incoherent: I have just returned. I have unpacked my bags, climatized my still swaying body from the turbulent flight. I now swipe the red lipstick from my face and draw my curtains tight and will fall suit to no attempt at sleep....... I look forward to updating my events to my Korea trip! Correspondence,  Emails, work - on ground - roster checking..... and it seems a second date with a doctor lingers..... Too tired to contemplate.