The Senses

I've been reading diligently; finding a certain console. I finished 6 books recently, ranging from authors such as the Dhali Lama to Ernest Hemingway. I have picked up books here and there with subjects baring titles such as, "Yoga Bitch," to "Beruit to Jerusalem". Books and this blog seem to be somewhat like my boyfriend, as I have been known to say before. I escape and consult, learn, and I find companionship. I visit, come home to, travel with, and bring to my bedroom these books. I am faithful to the writings, even if I find it not to my perfect liking and I finish it to the end, if it must end, taking from it what may intrigue, enlighten, entertain, evoke anger or teach. Always loyal and appreciative.

I say this all too aware of the judgement of such statements and certainly recognize that this portrays an exposed solitudeness beyond reprieve, and may even provoke a certain sadness, in some, for me! Allow me to explain how words have opened me up to travel and life!

The writings, at times, have included real time and place, and at other times, the literature explores history and landmarks, or both! Recognizable when one is actually standing on the very soil and experiencing the structure, the art, or grounds. For example, enjoying a latte below the Eiffel Tower, or sitting and feeling the sun in the square at The Louvre in Paris. Traversing the Great Wall in China with ones own feet! (Not sure if there is any other way). Listening to a symphony at the Opera House in Sydney with near tears promising to be worthy. Smelling the raw meats on the streets of Bangkok on a hot, humid day when not feeling well to begin with, or watching horrible, unconcievable events transpire in many parts of the world;  not all is beautiful and pleasing.

A kind of relationship, or at least a connectedness involving anything from a passing moment with a barista to a more personal encounter as being unfortunate and without language to help one achieve answers to goals when lost in a foreign country and having a complete stranger there to help most anxiously. I feel my senses detecting and absorbing all instances, big or small. It is overwhelming and consuming.

Fleeting moments, all moving too fast for one like me, who wishes to appreciate and "pay tribute" to perplexities around me. Simple moments evaporate. This is life, I understand. Fast motion that exhausts and energizes me all at the very same time. I have neither complaint or pure joy as there is no time for that. Or, I have both and it is all too much. I do, however, learn to take in what I can and appreciate all moments as they come and go. Isn't this what we all do?

So I listen, observe, and touch, and I smell and taste. Presently, feeling a trifle lost and if you can understand, found, I observe mostly these days. I observe if I like what I am smelling or tasting, what I am hearing and overall: what I am feeling about all of the senses. How strange to me to be living a dream such as this life I live, and appreciate it all. What a perfect avenue to find more! And more my heart will find.

Speaking of the heart, and I sincerely wish not to "dwell" on lonlieness, however, I cannot ignore my heart. I have never been this far away from loved ones and the sheer pain, at times, is unignorable and deplorable. I have not been without family and a partner in all my life. It is just me here, in a sense. At least that is how I feel often. As much as this experience has opened me up to unforgettable and lasting bonds. I am surrounded by lovely, sisterly, friends. I am lucky. But, we leave, we come back, and we leave again. Each searching for what will keep us here or take us away. No abandoment issues here, as I am the abandomer, just a sense of an immenent transient lifestyle, therefore, one I have concluded, to be embraced and to develop from and then, inevitablay, to move on from.

Books may not take all the credit. My life and learning thus far warrants much award for my seemingly melancholy writing. An upcoming visit home is on my mind. The future is ringing in my ears and further dreams of settling down to a humble abode, while ridding the world of disease is in my sights ;)

The sunny disposition always prevails, thank goodness! Onto Seoul, Korea in a day plus one. The "plus one" will entail more packing and preparation on the way to forever keep moving. Moving onwards to the next adventure.

Continuing this blog, days later -- I have much to say about Seoul!! An amazing city, to say the very least at this time as it is very early in the morning, but which has not a lot of baring except that I am incoherent: I have just returned. I have unpacked my bags, climatized my still swaying body from the turbulent flight. I now swipe the red lipstick from my face and draw my curtains tight and will fall suit to no attempt at sleep....... I look forward to updating my events to my Korea trip! Correspondence,  Emails, work - on ground - roster checking..... and it seems a second date with a doctor lingers..... Too tired to contemplate.

Traffic In The Sky

"Honest question, sir, you say it is 6 o'clock... Is that Am or PM?" I have found this question unabashedly falling from my lips, just hoping for understanding from the reciever of such a ridiculous query.  No apologies as my faulty "excuse" is that I am a flight attendant; no longer able to recollect simple things and forever sleep deprived and moving. I challenge anyone to travel, and land in, three continents in a week- long period and have some wits about them as they sleepily awake at any given hour: night or day, and attempt to climatize. The last three months are a complete blur and it near amuses me to analyze my state at times.

I am quite certain that many hotel staff hear it all, and perhaps because I have worked in the hotel and many service dynamics which is in turn capsulated in the airline industry, I allowed myself some candidness, and well, with the lack of ability to consult my many mobile and electronic devices, in full trust, to tell me what is what, this is where I find myself periodically. The sun and moon even fail me as I confusably attempt to determine night and day.

Secondly, still speaking to guest services of my hotel I timidly asked, "...also, I am calling to trouble someone to take the 'child - lock' off my in- room television." To wrap up and explain this irritating moment, the techie ensured me I was not an idiot and that the request involved some in-depth computer synching, etc. He brought several remote devices and worked importantly on my television. Embarassingly, the last channel "engaged" was the "Girls Gone Wild" channel. Let's just say he was thankfully humorous when I joked about the realism and value that tables ritualistic colleagaites "letting off steam" after tremulous exams, surely, to the viewing public. He would do better not to judge my tastes.... ha ha ... We bantered further, mocking my percieved choice of programming and then we derived that some previous minor must have been trying to watch the series and perhaps the T.V. obediently tried to censor in defense, and froze its circuits. He was very funny and lightened my day of idiocy. We are on a first name basis and I have free movies whenever I stay: A perk of a human connection to brighten one's day. Life is like that, and of course, I have a new friend.

Back in Duabi

Today I welcomed laundry. Something domestic. I made a useless grocery list as I am not ever home long enough to warrant any sort of stock or entertain percieved thoughts of cooking a week of meals, I looked for bills to pay. I prematurely paid my internet and mobile phone bill; my only two bills besides my credit card. I put some money on my credit card, just to be thorough. I talked to my plants, and then my roommates plants. By that I mean, I noticed they were lacking water and I said, " You need water." Amused, I thought, I am truly uncomfortable with a moments peace. I have been on such an amazing fast - tracked journey that I am not quite sure of normalcy anymore. Three bills covered and laundry done. I've just returned from Paris, New York, Hong Kong or Sydney; Now what?

I am trying to embrace this fleeting time of luxury. I think of my beautiful friends who are mothers and care for their wonderful family while holding careers, or those who are working night jobs while pouring their energy into studies by day. Or all of the above! I have certainly strived since exiting grade school and whatever obstacle that I invited or came into, I endured, and now life is a little easier. I struggle to find balance! Honestly, as hard as I work, I feel spoiled and slightly ungrounded.

Perhaps mundane for a blog spot, however, it is apart from my usual history reviews of touristy places I have visited, and is a real and true reflection of this expereince I am living, additionally including my mild complaints of flying and its drama. I am forever trying to push myself and am anxious to further my education and with that, as I keep up on world events, for example, I continue to support various charity causes. I even volunteered at our local Dubai zoo and adore a lovely female giraffe, named Cathy. "Cathy - the Girafee" is a beautiful creature who needs dental work.

Well, before I, or anyone, mistakes me for one of those blogster, animal loving singleites, (the ones with their cats and TV dinners,) perhaps without the capacity or avenue of sharing daily episodes directly, at times, allow me to express. My "calendar" is far from empty and as much as I try and "hole-up" in my bedroom, struck by depleted energy and life after completing insane operationals, or flights- that is my job, there are continuous events I am quite entirely excited for.

Dubai is an intriguing, beautiful place. A bit of a facade, and some politics that scare me, still, I explore this "Vegas in the desert," I realize there truly is something for everyone.

Speaking of Vegas - I am excited to return home in November and my most best, beautiful, smart, funny, lovely.. on and on, girlfriends and I may venture to Las Vegas for a much needed catch up. We shall see what we choose to do! Besides that, I am excited to come home to my family. My strong, beautiful Mother; my rock! I am anticipating sharing some real time with this woman, who I love so very much. It will be so extremely difficult to leave, again. But, she will help me with this. I count on it! Her beautiful reminders of life and taking nothing for granted, to be strong and always authentic - whatever it may be at the time of this journey, she supports and guides - with a hint of  "devils' advocate." I love you.

In the meantime: Traffic in the sky. I am preparing for my next flight: Beijing. I just returned from Bangkok and it was sweet followed by bitter. I fell very ill and was grounded and medically sanctioned to stand down due to a severe infection of sinuses and a head cold, rendering my ears useless for flight. After 7 days I was released to return to Dubai. Complete torture, by the way!

I did manage to have one amazing night, reunited with a good friend from Canada. We had an incredible night with his friends and perhaps gained some lasting contacts with some of his female acquantances. One place, amongst our adventure that night, is "Mr. Wong's"  - a little secret place quoted to be, "The wrong place to be, Mr. Wong's"... Also, we went to this rooftop place and briefly wound down from an amazing Thai dinner - The alleyways and the luck of "locals" brought us to some unforgettable places. Happy birthday to Marty! (P.S. Marty - that writer from L.A. - shared some of his writing and, wow! We have been corresponding. I shall share with you soon as I may need some advice!

Four days off and a "date" on the agenda. A doctor, here in Dubai has asked me to dinner and a casual drink. Dr. A is picking me up tomorrow night and, well, I am trying to be more open - so here goes... perhaps more to come on this one ;) Eeck... dating! Who knows....?